Rage Against the Man

One must imagine that this driver keeps the iconic "Born to be Wild" on a constant loop in this ride. We picture a room at this person's house dedicated completely to $50 electric guitars, a Hammond organ, Black Sabbath records and reams of tabs of obscure hits from the 70s and 80s. Though Rock-n-Roll vestiges from those days have generally passed on, they are all still legendary stories living in that dank, tricked-out room.

But the picture isn't complete until you see this mangy rebel reporting for work at the local #Starbucks on Monday morning, undoubtedly hungover and reeking of a vile mix of cheap booze, stale cigarettes, sweat and newly sown tears.

We put this rocker on notice: contrary to how it may feel, your late night gigs will succeed; do not give up the fight. For now, keep cutting your hair but don't throw out your #BonJovi hair extensions: there's no telling when such krimped locks will help you thrash your way to unmitigated stardom.