Spreading Distortion

Ever have a moment of pure self awareness when the horizon clears, the synapses fire and something just seems indisputably right? This tailgate graffiti is an excellent example that not everyone enjoys even passing moments of such lucidity.

To be fair, we could Google EA and TEF and perhaps it might clear up this little misunderstanding. However, much like QR codes on commercial vehicles, do you really want to communicate with those people who have so little time on their hands that they choose to make the time to find out?

If the point of awareness ribbons is self-evident, then we admire the dim-witted commuter who so dutifully slapped this baby on. Carry on, genius!

Cycle of Life

Ever want your entire existence to be summed up by a single brand of one kind of product? We don't either. If one of your loved ones had the audacity to purchase and paste such bumper decor for you, what would it be?

Is it offensive to assume that an Apple symbol on your mobile gravestone would encapsulate your life? Would in be wrong if it were Nike or Wrigley's? What about a well-known brand of bacon?

Don't misunderstand: bacon is extremely dear to our hearts. We can't think of anything we'd rather chew on first thing in the morning or just prior to lights out. We just think that celebrating our adoration with our birth date and time of death isn't really "In Loving Memory".

Promoting Diversity

We understand: the US is packed with people who just can't claim an identity beyond their ethnicity, whether right of the boat or a distant descendant. All that said, we imagine that this driver probably could do more to turn down the Irish. After all, the only expression missing from this ride is a paw print that says, "my dog howls Danny Boy" and a leprechaun making some kind of gesture.

Where would the US be without foreigners (or Foreigner)? Just ask your friendly neighborhood Native American, we are willing to wager they might have an idea or seven.

Since there's no mistaking that most Americans aren't really from here anyway, this commuter can high-step tap dance that truth all the way to the pub for a pint. Just do it without Michael Flatley.

Don't Run

What does it mean to be a patriot? We aren't above flying an American flag on the house and studying US involvement in historical military conflicts. We don't, however, own a flag handkerchief or bumper art that round-house kicks "these colors don't run" in your face.

Though you may dress like a flag and buy expensive fireworks on July 4th, that voice from our conscience suggests that real patriotism looks a bit different. It may even startle you in it's idealism where violence, though a last resort, is clearly on the table and personal and physical sacrifice is a sacred rite.

We like to think that this R stands for "revolution" and refers to some colonists ejecting England from our shores a couple hundred years ago. We do apologize, however, if this commuter instead lays a steroid-laced barely intelligible cowboy smack down on you for not seeming 'Merican (whatever that is). That behavior is simply not patriotic.

Funky Smelling

Sometimes you say things without thinking. A phrase just comes flying out and, once it's there, you can't unring that bell. We find the awkwardness that follows such flabbergastion as altogether... enchanting.

When you consider the multitude and magnitude of misfired social media posts, you must gasp in order to keep your breath. In short, the enchantment just lasts longer.

As is the case with all tailgate graffiti, the embarrassing truth is that professing love for a rotten-sounding (and undoubtedly, smelling) vagabond is as ignominious as it is premeditated. That the paws are plentiful is all the more delicious.