Platitude

We applaud this car owner's courage and poise in so publicly declaring her individuality and indefinite (and likely enduring) single status.

What ho! Yup, we are impossibly sincere. That in the face of all assumptions about single women sheltering lots of cats.

Of course we can't help ourselves from speculating what her platitude concerning felines signifies. Does she have a figuratively catty nature? (Is there a positive connotation to that word that we're missing?) Conversely, does she literally mean that she is sassy, jumpy, distrusting or unfriendly?

Either way, steer clear of this one, gents! Chances are slim that she has much in common with Halle Berry or Michelle Pfeiffer.

Gotta Race

So we haven't decided whether this display is snobby. Of course, we find the question rather entertaining.

Snobby because we can only assume 38 and 33 stand for something. We would prefer 33 is a tip of the hat to Larry Bird (he'll always be man of the year to us). But, alas, we harbor a sneaking suspicion that these are the car numbers of NASCAR fame.

Forcing assumptions would usually cause us to rage against this driver's open snobbery. But if this is in fact NASCAR, we are convinced that this is simply redneck pride. By it's very nature, such pride is incapable of snobbery.

Seems a Little Premature

Okay, we get supporting your team and, unlike some of our fans, appreciate that this driver has limited their fanaticism to one sports team.

But doesn't this sticker seem like it would impede vision out of the rear window?

Apart from that, we take issue with such open support for people more committed to the almighty dollar than the glory of their craft. More commitment anyway than playing for half a season.

Patriots Nation

So some people are walking ads for their pro sports team. They evangelize anyone who is willing to listen as well as (more frequently) those who aren't.

We imagine that this driver waxes poetic for hours on the legendary Bill Belichick and future hall-of-famer Tom "Supermodel Bait" Brady. Like you, it would be difficult pretending that we are paying attention by the time they've finally made it to how Robert Kraft is totally engaged in the team. Enough already, right?

After all, a few Super Bowl wins don't a dynasty make.

21st Century Flower Power

It isn't often that we find a vehicle so worked over decorated with bumper graffiti. While we understand that the owner of this vee-dubya is simply stoned living the dream of our newest batch of retirees, we still must ask: why?

This isn't even a pollution-spewing diesel-powered bus, like the real hippies purportedly drove. This is a throw-back at best; more of "Afternoon Delight". But while we adore that redux, this remake seems far more pretentious. Even overlooking the stick family and the cheesy peace symbol, there's at least 10 more stickers on this green machine!

"Maybe it's Another Drill"

We don't pretend to be Star Wars experts. For starters, we've not attended a convention or snuck into Skywalker Ranch. Not saying we wouldn't, merely saying that we haven't.

Let's be clear, however: we would never dream of a Star Wars themed wedding (unless the bride does look like Jabba the Hut).

Be that as it may, we're pretty confident that no storm troopers ever sported pink bows. Lose the females laser lips! Then we'll talk about a little blaster play...

Mile Minus 1

We see these mile marker stickers occasionally and don't even care enough to Google it. Perhaps it is a reference to Shel Silverstein's all-time classic? Nah, that's undoubtedly probably giving this driver too much credit.

We thus decided that mile minus one is in the ocean or simply a dead end. Anyone providing the correct answer in the comments will be flogged continuously and publicly harassed.

Onboarding

Nope, we're not talking about a corporate orientation process or even military torture training. Like the ichthys, this classic bumper art inspired a prolific line of rear-window, suction-cupped signage.

But the question must be asked: if you insist on stickering your tailgate, how long should this parent stunt their child's growth characterize their child as a baby? After all, for some people, their 20-year-old is still their baby.

Resting Well?

Has it ever occurred to you to honor a deceased loved one with a bumper sticker? We ask, most emphatically, why not? You may select from a variety of designs. Like the driver of this car, you can choose the heart motif. But, really, do you want to drive around with a tomb stone on your car?

Then you must ask what other memorabilia is being transported? Favorite items? Heaven forbid, ashes or body parts? Bottom line: use the comments to vouch for such decor!

Don't Run Either

We never could get into running for sport either. Like the owner of this car, though, we brag every time we do no matter how inconsistent or insignificant the workout is since the workout is so demanding.

And that's just the point: the people we know who are serious distance runners, the ones who have run marathonS (that's right, with a capital S), don't put magnets on their cars trumpeting their achievement. No, they're too busy training to worry about such pleasantries and saving up to travel to the real races to shell out cash for vehicle braggery.

Bite This

Harkening back to the days where men were men and bumper stickers were snarky sentiments, we traveled to nowheresville to find this one. There's something pure and light about this one: it simply makes the statement and doesn't pretend to carry greater significance. Sure, it's in your face for those less inclined but still maintains simple entertainment value.

Bumper Ribbon Awareness

Look, we get it: bad things do happen. Diseases are completely impartial. We're sorry that someone you know is going through something tragic. But is pity really the awareness you're going for? Really?

If so, we liken such tailgate vocalizations to the guy (yup, the GUY) on LinkedIn who posts updates with superlative frequency on every mind-numbing topic whether personal, professional or just plain inane.

Is there a telekinetic payoff for being so hyperaware?

Ick This

No matter what creed you practice, there's no denying that the ichthys is as prominent and original as bumper decor itself. After all, the symbol even has new breeds been widely parodied, including the spelling (for those completely unimaginative), and the Darwin collection, both noncreative and the dead fish. 

The newer fish seem to be more expensive have a bit more swagger to them with colors, embossing and, in cases like this one, sporting the Lite Brite effect.

Girls Do 2?

We were intrigued by this somewhat confounding wonderful display self expression on the road.

Listen lady, we're not sure how they do things in "TI" or at "Hill Pride" but from the brief exposure we've had to sport fishing, you'd be outnumbered 99.9% of the time. Would you refer to yourself as a fisherwoman?

And let's not even discuss how you propose to answer mum nature's call out in the boat...

Limited Patriotism

Don't get us wrong: we support the troops (see Troops and Troupes). We are painfully aware of how horrific our service in the military would be. Some of you are cool under pressure while some of us would probably just freak out.

It is this painful awareness healthy respect of our own shortcomings coupled with the huge sacrifices made by our women and men in uniform that cause us to suspect that only slapping a magnet on the back of a car could be offensive to those in the service.

Got any number of these magnets on you car? Fine. What was the last practical thing you went out of your way to do to serve those who have served you?