Egg Shells

We all know those people who can't stomach a little noise in their life, much less a controlled riot. You know them: they obsessively go to great lengths to control their environment, typically with sneaky passive-aggression. What remarkable fragility; how serene, how sublimely staid.

Since every road-worthy vehicle comes equipped with some kind of horn, we faithfully make use of it: early and often. If blowing the horn as loudly as possible and with wreckless abandon has truly become a problem, automakers would update the design to get rid of horns and you would only be able to find them in redneck front and backyards.

You may walk on egg shells, if you like. However, by mandate, we will continue to signal with directionals and our reliably blaring horn.

Death on Wheels

We know: we risk coming off as completely inappropriate and insensitive to personal loss. However, we've posted our feelings at least once. Plus, it isn't as if we're including any info that this driver keeps from complete strangers. If it seems like we cover the spectacle of RIP stickers too frequently, know that we have deleted many more images than we have posted.

While attempting to maintain some propriety, we delicately wonder if this name is a bit... ethnic. After all, there is no possible way the deceased was of European descent, even though the last name was Smith.

There is no question that people should honor loved ones. We simply question whether this display falls more along the lines of exploitation than honor. Exploitation of what? You choose...

Who Doesn't?

We love hefty girls whose girth spills over the top of their overly tight pants. Commonly known as the muffin top, it really is all that. Parents: if your daughter can't be described as slim, please do suggest more appropriate coverage, especially of the offending portion of their body.

While this driver admits a thing for ladies who heart soil, we merely suggest that more qualified criteria is in order. For example, is it fine with you if your dream girl steals your money, smokes cigars and fraternizes with other men, so long as they love silt loam?

We could be wrong, however, if your vision is only through the bottom of a beer glass. At that level, almost any female will work, right?

Less Sizzle

We enjoy summer for so many reasons, not the least of which is a certain flavor which can only be grilled into most any kind of meat. Without great apology to vegetarians, we heart a wide variety of meats. Even hot dogs and plain sausages are simply more tasty when they have sizzled over the open flame.

Once you get the hang of temperatures and grill placement, there is no shortage of sauce and rub options with which to slather beef, pork, poultry and even fish. You drooling yet?

While we do appreciate searing meats of diverse flavors, we cannot condone plastering tailgate decor to that effect. Unless the commuter grills in the bed of this truck, what could the sticker possibly have to do with the vehicle? Seems like more steak is in order.

Prozac Please

Is it the best medicine? With over-the-counter medication abuse on the rise, many people may disagree. It seems that some folks have instead chosen Prozac, nitrous oxide and a variety of ibuprofen and aspirin to kill life's pain. While there is indeed medically justified use of these drugs, one need not be a pharmacologist to suspect that such numbing is a solution of convenience.

However, comedy and appreciating it takes a little effort and perhaps even a sense of humor. And what is intrinsically wrong with simple and ridiculous laughs? Sure, they may take a measure more creativity than shockingly crude humor and jokes at the expense of others.

In all we find the innocence of pure fun refreshing. And, during particularly trying times, a little tomfoolery goes a long way toward regaining normalcy.

Sportsman

Ever wonder what the definition of sportsman is? Seems a bit wide ranging sometimes. Sure, we could look it up and paste a variety of meanings but regular visitors know that's not what we're talking about here.

The English language is riddled with doing something "for sport" and "sport fishing" (as opposed to what those unsporting folks do with rods and reels), not to mention offering "a sporting chance" to another.

And then we have those special hunters (as in short bus special) who are convinced that compound bows are an acceptable tool. We guess that the killing part would take a while. Maybe that's the point. How do we even pretend this practice is any different than Rome's coliseums?

Dracken

We are grateful for the clarification of the second sticker provided by this ethnic commuter. Americans are hardly the most traveled people. What if we were to assume that they were Chinese? The red dragon does show up often on our boxes of fried rice. Such a revelation evokes an altogether different hankering for bland, over-cooked potatoes and lamb with mint sauce.

Do the Welsh enjoy a proud tradition? After all, they are far less militant Brits than, say, the Basques of Spain, the Chechens of Russia and even less threatening than the Québécois of Canada.

Then again, who can argue with the beauty of Swansea or Tenby? Certainly we dare not question the brilliance of Dylan Thomas, especially if Seamus Heaney refused to. Of course we leave such questions to you, if you are willing to "begin at the beginning."

Was Gonna Say

Not that there could be any confusion with this tag, we felt it best to help with this pronunciation and definition. /Nay-kul/ is not what this driver is aiming for. Not, any way, how it is butchered in New Jersey.

And, even though it sounds like monocle might be intended, you quickly note that the spelling off. No ironic accessories are implied here.

So, unless this commuter has reached the pinnacle of success in their barnacle farming business, they mustn't be manacled by such a poor decision to fly this decor.  

Stache

The question isn't why should a car have a classic British butler mustache, it really is why not? Some cars are more refined and service-oriented than others. In much the same way that this commuter very politely requests supreme unleaded gasoline, he also takes it with tea and crumpets "if you please." And while we've seen some vehicles that demand lumberjack beards, this one simply rolls his stache, smiles and says, "cheerio old chap!"

Or, perhaps, that's precisely what this driver would like for us to think. In reality, the facial hair is probably more akin to a tired black caterpillar that has crawled up the tree and gone to sleep. Unkempt and odoriferous, this soup-strainer serves more as an after-dinner stash than a smooth fashion statement: beer foam, cigarette ash and tears have been known to surface from the bushes days later.

Super Bad

Didn't know that being a father gave you permission to slap a super hero sticker on your car? Get in line. While some settle for a mug or a cheesy tie, this guy goes all the way with the "world's #1 dad" gig. And why not?

You know these types. Don't pretend like you've never gawked at them running the sidelines howling like a dog chasing birds while their child participates in almost any sport. You may have even been embarrassed for them when you walked into their house to find all of their trophies from yesteryear in a case next to the TV.

These dads may be labeled as unbridled megalomaniacs or perhaps simply proud fathers. We suppose that the mere act of being a present dad is cause for celebration these days. The real question, however, is does such bumper braggery make him super or bad?

Hazzardous

 

With Bo and Luke Duke likely in a nursing home and Rosco Coltrane and Boss Hogg undoubtedly six feet under, it's difficult for us to quantify whether the Dixie flag carries any positive connotations in contemporary culture. It now seems archaic and, if we're being politically correct, not so cute to paint the rebel flag on your vehicle.

Though Daisy Duke was a roll model of sorts for us, we were surprised that there was no gun rack or fishing poles visible in this truck. Is it racist to assume this commuter was sporting overalls with no shirt? After all, how good of a "good ol' boy" can this driver be if he has all of his teeth and is dressed in a three-piece suit?

Yes, things change and occasionally for the better. We'll always have a soft spot in our hearts for the General Lee and its inevitable car chase followed by a crazy jump scene. Somehow it seemed like innocent fun and maybe that's just fine. However, we can't (in good conscience) fly this flag and it would look just plain stupid on our rides.

Shout out to SB of NJ. Thanks for the pic!

Peppers

Some peppers are hot, some are sweet and some are just plain mellow. I say "tomAto" you say "tomAHto". Wild card on this one: able to guess the ethnicity of the driver? Guesses in the comments will be answered, guaranteed. 

We can't claim partiality to poblano peppers in any way. If they are in salsa on the table, we would simply like some tortilla chips in order to devour them. If the peppers gussy up the intake somehow, great; just don't stand in the way of the feeding frenzy.

We understand that some people are foodies with an inexhaustible penchant for chatter. However, this seems a bit militant. We can almost picture this tattooed across the back of jailed gang banger or weightlifter representing the teenage wasteland. And so, we put this driver on notice: our BELL ink is off the hook.

Bums

In Costa Rica, at least in 1998, you could tent out the back of beaches at night. Then again, with all of the "nature sounds" that you hear in that part of world at night, we never got up the gumption. We don't believe that such camping was encouraged but it definitely wasn't illegal and certainly was free.

Ever wonder why you barely see these themed stickers representing one parent or a single person? Might we all be able to assume that, since you're driving a colossal, gas-guzzling behemoth, there is pretty likely children inside?

This family likes going to the beach. The originality of that concept is altogether startling. After all, don't most people prefer to hide indoors in urban settings during the summer?

Marvelous Fam

We have seen how over-scheduled and exhaustingly busy people choose to structure their lives. You don't have to look far to see parents doing the same with their kids. In all, it just looks like a lot of tail-chasing from where we sit. 

But does that make them heroic on a super level? While we would say "no," we want to leave room for those who dissent, like this family for example. We harbor little doubt that even their cat is capable of Herculean exploits.

Would Wonder Woman ever go for Wolverine? If so, wouldn't their offspring have to be wonder wolverines? Irregardless, we anticipate great feats of strength from this family.

Walking Here

We love South Carolina for many reasons, not the least of which is that Southerners are so genteel when they really are saying "pound sand." Northerners are far less warm or diplomatic and so we've all become accustomed to the warning "I'm walking here." 

Would Christopher Gadsden, "the Sam Adams of the South" appreciate this modern adoption of his revolutionary flag? The patriots of his day were risking all they had on the hunch that they could freely govern themselves. By their adoption of his ensign, our Tea Party movement at least implies that the stakes are similarly high. In short, we disagree.

As with everything, we believe the truth lies somewhere between less taxes and more government. We deign to further suggest that one cannot overstate the difference between the colonization experienced by our founders and governance, even taxation, within a democracy that has lasted for 200+ years.

Grand?

There must be very few people who don't like their pets. If people are maintaining their domesticated animals, there are positive feelings toward them on some level.

Then there are other people who buy puppy love with animal cosmetic surgical procedures and pet spa treatments. We imagine that Fido enjoys organic treats fit for a king with Evian poured into a crystal water dish.

Finally there are those people who make their pet a full-fledged member of the family -- literally. These folks create trusts for their animal and fight viciously over them in custody proceedings during divorces. But this driver surpasses them all by claiming blood relation, which we don't hesitate to categorize as, well, illegal.

Do Rest RJ

Lest we seem insensitive enough to poke only fun at the dearly departed, please see any of our previous posts regarding such decor. At least we don't have his dates of birth and death; many other such stickers can include everything but social security numbers and we've seen one with a photo.

With apologies to racing fans everywhere, wouldn't you want instead to be remembered as a loving father, a generous member of the community or a loyal friend? We trust RJ was known for more than watching cars circling the track for hours at a time.

If we're wrong and there is a booming market for such mobile grave markers, why have NASCAR or Formula One (F1) failed to offer stickers with their logos? Seems like a missed opportunity.