Family Portrait

We wish that this pic would have come out a little cleaner. Then again, we also wish that Michael Jackson had been content with a career ending after his Thriller album (#MichaelJackson). Sometimes reality is disturbingly far from the ideal.

Regardless, this commuter has put things into perspective quite succinctly. Though we are grateful that it isn't a photo of Johnny playing the tuba or little Enid taking her first steps (for security reasons, perhaps?), this bumper decor is just as "creative." A custom tailgate sticker produced from a photo of your pet? When the dog dies, do you get a free R.I.P. supplement?

And why not sticker images of yourself or your relatives on your car? Because it's weird? We ask very earnestly: is it any more weird than this?

Canine Genius

Okay, maybe we're overstepping at the suggestion of genius but this motorist has your #honorstudent kid pegged. That's right, you! The person who has lost your identity to incessant anxiety about to what school your child will be accepted. Forget your kid, this smart aleck wants what is best for their pet.

And why not? Retrievers live longer than some humans and are far more influential. Then again, when was the last time an under-performing canine ever made you a decent bacon, egg and cheese?

For the greater good, can we strike a mutually beneficial accord? Parents may not rave mindlessly about their child's every waking moment as long as dog owners agree to withhold the consistency and frequency of their pet's bowel movements. Can you agree to those terms?

Fast? Likely Furious

This guy is a winner. Like #MarkyMark (minus the Funky Bunch), you know that he likes his Martinis cheap and his women non-brilliant. We can almost picture him putting aviator glasses on his spray-tanned nose and contemplating how quickly he can guzzle his third 40 of the afternoon all the while muttering, "Just try me Ocifer. I will blow a perfect score."

We challenge anyone to suggest that a woman owns and operates this ride. You're welcome to hold forth in the comments but we don't anticipate that many such arguments will be convincing.

Shout out to TM of VA for the photo!

One and Only Puppy Love

Our question for this commuter is, "Does your westie know that you heart it?" If you're a dog owner who would glibly reply in the affirmative, we seriously take issue with that assessment.

Is your canine, which will raise its leg to anything that the neighbor's dog has previously urinated on, perfectly aware that you profess such love? Really? It has to assume that you are dutiful enough feed it (most of the time), walk it, clean it and perhaps even enjoy quiet moments together. Is your dog a good dog?

So, then, is your car capable of appreciating such affection too?

Inflexible Too

We're pretty sure that our lack of interest in ancient Indian exercises has nothing to do with our distaste for torture. For starters, it seems obvious to us that you don't generally get to choose whether you get tortured or not; though movies often depict a choice in the type of torture to be enacted.

With yoga, however, people voluntarily travel to, purchase supplies for and participate in the act with great pomp and much circumstance. For some yoguers (or is it yogees?), we'd almost prefer that they never miss a class because hearing about not attending is an invariably longer rant than the nirvana achieved by making class.

Once you own a mat, can't one simply tear their muscles and sever tendons at home?

Bleating Hearts

We're not sure with which, if any, of these sentiments we can agree. However, no one can dispute that such bumper expression would do Leona Lewis proud: does it take a lot of guts to sticker your car so liberally?

We can't dispute that paying it forward is potentially a noble idea. What precisely is this driver advocating? It doesn't matter, does it? Similar to the deep thought that mean people suck, whales should be saved as well as the earth, we appreciate these declarations as both shallow and breathtakingly insignificant.

Most shocking, however, is the admission of support for our current president. Given the other statements, including hearting SB, we might assume this vote would be consistently conservative.

Awareness Ribbon Awareness

Seems a little bit of overkill, no? We don't have a problem with spreading awareness like an itchy disease.

 

We do get concerned, however, that too much awareness can become so consuming that we all become counter aware and, ultimately, dismissive. It's a medically diagnosable psychosomatic reaction, we're almost positive. 

So you have some causes that you believe in and you are intent on inflicting them on others? Fine. We only ask that you choose a more effective means of communication.

Anything Else You'd Like to Say?

A fine display of up-to-the-minute pop culture parroting, this driver effectively expresses one thing: she or he is plugged in to the plight of the last 15 minutes of human history. Like today's tattoos on 70 year-old skin 45 years from now, we wonder whether deep enough thought is given to such vehicle billboarding prior to pasting.

What if Bono crashes and burns in a Lance Armstrong-like ball of glorious fire or, worse, boringly refutes all he stands for like Al Gore? What if victims of the Concert for Sandy Relief begin demanding tracks on iTunes? And what if life hands this car owner something significant to worry about?

It would be sad to chisel this plastic ornamentation off.

Whoop-Dee-Doo

And we had tuna for lunch. Though we may have let the world know using social media, people innocently commuting don't have to know that we prefer it with a little salt and pepper.

If we swam the English Channel, we wouldn't even think about buying a sticker for our car; we'd be too busy getting it tattooed up and down our leg. The subsequent recovery would eat up time but the risk of infection would undoubtedly be worth it.

Turns out that this harrowing voyage, a testament to this driver's strength and nerves of steal, is less than a 10 mile walk across asphalt.

No Drama

We are really quite offended by this one. Who wouldn't be? Listen pal, you may not have voted for him but, like it or not, he's still your president. And don't just threaten to move to Canada like Alec Baldwin. If you feel this strongly about it, do everyone a favor and just go. Maybe Mexico would suit you better.

Such speech, free as it may be, just feels like a hate crime in the making. That's right: to the owner of this vehicle, we are putting you on notice. We hope that you are held even more responsible due to the violence of your thoughts.

Making the president's name a cuss word? Is there no end to the rage?

Won't or Can't?

Usually we're at the wrong place a little late. Occasionally we're in the right place at the right time. This glorious bumper art is what it's all about: pointless while also remarkably ill-communicated.

Is YouDee referring a school in Delaware or Detroit? Perhaps the world will never know. But this is absolutely certain: you will not. Not now and not ever.

Is it an exclusive university where most applications won't be accepted? From our passing knowledge of these two institutions of higher learning, our guess is decidedly not. So maybe it is the suggestion that most students won't graduate? Or perhaps it's that they won't find employment?

Rebel with a Cause; Sort of

Don't get us wrong: we find entertainment in a half-hearted demonstration against big (and little) oil, political manipulation, and people who have the audacity to make money. As long as we're not inconvenienced, such behavior strikes us as quaint and somehow endearing.

It's that snarky yet all-powerful 1% that is the go-to for all blame holds us back in the US of A.

But what have we, a proud nation, come to when being oppositional has reached this level? Clothing consignment is really cutting across the grain? Really? It's right up there on the anarchy charts with sugarless lemonade and Paris Hilton.

Shout out to SB of NJ for the photo!

Hooked

Who has the God-given right to describe fish as slippery or, more viciously, cold-blooded? What have they ever wanted to do "but swim in a brook," as the song goes? And since when have these powerful creatures deserved to be the butt of cliches? If you lived only in water you would be hard-pressed to not drink like a fish.

We believe that the people defaming these animals would whistle another tune if they only would take the time to get to know them -- to live with them for a while.

We thus applaud this driver, who is so evidently standing up for such a heroic and magnificent creature. Huzzah to you sir (or madam, if you are Victoria Sweet or a fisherwoman).