A Matter of Taste?

We cannot agree that all matter put forth as #art in fact qualifies as art. We find that making such a statement generally infuriates some connoisseurs (of precisely what? Well, that is the question).

Insomuch as your opinion of what passes for art meets some threshold (and is therefore correct in your mind), why can't the rest of us simply label some of it by its rightful name: pretentious jackassery? It occurs to us that not allowing for such dissent is a unique flavor of artistic #fascism.

Take this work, for example. Were we to consider whether this rolling death-trap qualifies, we would not be able to ignore that the bumper stenciling is a glowing example of shoddy workmanship. However, we applaud the agreement with our above sentiments: be creative and substantive, not absurd and ignorant.

Tag Anarchy

Remember when euro tags meant something? You'd see it and know where (geographically) the driver was indicating. Lately, these stickers seem to be ubiquitous to the point of completely irrelevant.

So is this tag hailing #Northwestern? We ask since this vehicle was decidedly not bearing that direction and its license plate was neither from western or northern origins. Perhaps a shout out for a "new woman"? What about a throw-back to the explorers' "new world"?

We think that "nowhere" is more likely the place to where this tailgate braggery refers. The owner of this vehicle is simply boasting that they've never left the city limits of their hometown.

Heard It's Rather Balmy

At least this commuter doesn't leave room for question, unlike another. We appreciate not needing to guess the area of God's green earth that we have no intention of visiting. How long is that flight to #Vietnam again?

We wonder whether this was a self-directed tour or one of duty. Either way, we wish this car owner well in saving that land all for themselves. We've heard enough about tropical rashes and stomach bugs to assume such travel is not for us.

No, we won't be that friend who is bitterly hoping to be invited. For this trip, we'll offer to bring in the mail and perhaps even help you pack.

Control Freaks

We simply adore how arbitrarily demanding some people are. Occasionally, these aggressors demand personal favors but even then it's without a "please" or "thank you." Suffice it to say that nobody goes out of their way to help #megalomaniacs, no matter how helpful assistance may appear. No, we do the minimum to satisfy such demands to get them out of our hair.

And then there are the types that don't demand, they simply push you right into the water. Assuming that they know what is best for everyone, pushy people inflict their will with reckless abandon.

We have put this commuter on notice: #MichaelPhelps doesn't appear to be the only one "dancing with Mary Jane." We'll get in the water when we are good and ready. Even then, however, we don't have to swim: we choose not to swim!

Date Correction

Ever hit "send" on an email to only realize that something wasn't exactly right the very next second? Ask #AlecBaldwin what it's like to regret only a moment after having said something (or after hanging up following a minutes-long tirade on your daughter's voicemail). Occasionally, what seems prudent one moment is utterly preposterous, arrogant and even deeply disturbing only seconds later.

Well, for this driver, a moment of regret is likely to be extended to the life of their car. Clearly, campaigns would stop selling stickers if nobody purchased them. And so we question the wisdom of pasting anything to the vehicle you've spent decent money on, much less a sticker that has a promising likelihood of being refutable, like many candidate's embarrassments of failed one-upsmanship.

While you had better look elsewhere for love if you're #Obama in this car, multiple felines are welcome, even shelter animals.

Shout out to SB of NJ. Thanks for the pic!

Staged

Why not, right? We've always been entertained by people who have given themselves to the theatre, especially #localtheatre. Nowhere else on the planet will you find such a concentrated group of single, underemployed oppositionalists who vary in age but consistently behave as if they are adolescents. If these types had even two quarters to rub together, all advertising directed at children and youths would be diverted; it really would be fish in a barrel.

We don't know that we'd be quick to point out being one of those performers. It seems like this commuter could be attracting a kind of attention that may be described in a word as unwanted. You're on notice theatre buff: that kind of live show doesn't pay well either.

If we may be so blunt, is there anywhere that members of local theatre companies don't "do it"? After all, if drama was meant only for the stage, their lives might cease to exist when the lights go down. But then, that show has been done already.

Moose Xsing

Yes, the majestic and indisputably clever moose. Clever? Yes, just ask #Bullwinkle. Our sudden run-in with a moose consisted of pure fright, on both parts. The 10 yards separating us wasn't enough for the big bull who darted parallel to the street for 50 yards, followed by the thunderous noise of the animal plowing through branches and trees. Dumbfounded, we had hardly moved and were quite startled by the lack of hoof beats on the pavement prior to the crashing through the woods.

Certainly, unlike some vermin, we can almost understand how the noble moose would be a likely candidate for tailgate immortality.

What we can't understand, however, is how this commuter could confuse a moose and an aardvark (note ADK). We haven't done quite 36 hours worth of research but we're fairly comfortable that these two animals would be extremely difficult to confuse.

Life Could Be

Lest it be said that we never find anything redeeming in bumper tomfoolery, we found this sticker at once simple and disarming. Our rush in all things to ultimately be is our ever-present undoing.

Difficult life is undiscriminating. It doesn't matter who you are, what you do or don't have and what you have personally achieved. Nobody ever said that life would be easy and, all too frequently, this truth is enduring.

If life were constantly easy how would we know when it was deliciously good?

Life is short, often times tragically so, and thus worth celebrating. For those fleeting moments of sheer bliss and infrequent others of raging happiness, we simply find life to be worth living. #lifeisgood

Melting Pot

To our brothers of Puerto Rican, Cuban, Mexican and Nigerian descent, we offer this warning: Poland is coming for you. Just remember that when you hang your flag (whether from the rear view mirror or your window) and cruise around with your seat back and your music jacked up. We don't have to tell you that the polka can get loud and annoying.

And to all those militantly Polish Americans: so you are proud of some nationality other than being a #redneck, corn-fed, gun-slinging, these-colors-don't-run* 'Merican. Great! Get a holiday or parade to prove it. You know: one where excessive drinking is expected and assaulting people may be calendared annually.

Otherwise, did you even consider selling that truck one day? Got a strong Polish market for used pick-ups?

* Ever wonder how the laundry pun became gritty and strong? We blame it on Canadians.

Rodentia

We try to imagine a less worthy creature from the entire kingdom animalia. If you're into this sort of thing, you may be able to justify bumper art of an eagle or king of beasts. Heck, even a llama might be entertaining.

But a park garbage monkey? This could only happen in #Oregon. While we don't support the shooting, water torture, eating or resettlement of squirrels, we don't oppose such practices either. Let's face it: if you and your LBI kin are enjoying this rodent with a nice plum sauce, there are larger issues to deal with.

Though we can't make it out, perhaps the very same rodent has made the accompanying coat of arms? Unless this driver has a pet squirrel that they've trained to water ski, we request that they remove the decal.

State of Confusion

We halfheartedly applaud the rare, proper use of the euro tag by this motorist. Perhaps this driver maintains homes in both states. If not, maybe they have vacationed in each. Either way and without intending great offense, who cares?

Surely both #Vermont and #Florida have places worth seeing. Every state in the union has some redeeming spot, even California, New Jersey and Texas.

More to the point, it hardly seems like sufficient tailgate braggery to claim visiting both states. And no, we can't support even stickers noting Fiji and Antarctica.

A Telling Disguise

It would be a crying shame to assume this vehicle is operated by a childless human. Would it? Would... it? We doubt that the cast from #StarWars could forgive you.

We have difficulty appreciating the need for two families on this child taxi. You didn't notice that this SUV houses a nuclear family by sitting in traffic behind it? Good thing this parent ensured the family was stickered along the side for when you pass them.

Might it alternatively be that the children were too disturbed by their representation as young Luke and Leia? After all, Luke is brandishing a #lightsaber more akin to the character in Return of the Jedi than A New Hope. We suppose that it must be a result of choosing battles that the driver hasn't signified the boy as Darth Maul.

Which brings us to the mother represented as Chewbacca. Don't get us wrong: we love a good wookie just as much as the next person. But who lost that battle?

Portable Tombstone

No, we're not suggesting a revolution in headstones. After all, does anyone really want to be saddled with hauling a rock around for some extended portion of their life?

And, while we offer an abundance of appreciation for keeping a loved one who has passed in your heart, we (likely not sympathetically enough) submit that there is a disparity between honoring their memory and improperly communicating the same. In fact we believe that a life well-lived is the better way to honor the dead, #RIP.

It isn't even that we're uncomfortable with our inevitable physical demise. Instead, we question whether your loved one really would have wanted to be remembered in this way.

Movie Snatchers

Let's face it: beyond costing tens of dollars, films can inspire wonder and occasionally make us think for longer than a bucket of popcorn. Occasionally movies simply get it right. However, unless you own a gull-winged DeLorean, we seriously question whether you should sticker movie memorabilia on your ride.

We don't boast even amateur movie critic prowess. And, in the case of this flick, the real professionals described it as likely a decent drug trip but ultimately little more with an exceedingly thin plot.

We wistfully decided that #TronLegacy simply looked CGed to death and didn't consider paying to see it. After all, transcontinental flights are intended for such drudgery.

Sticker Badge of Courage

What do you receive for long months of unpaid taxiing, filthy laundry and walking pneumonia? An entire magnet to proclaim your sacrifice and dedication to untold numbers of travelers.

Thought of going AWOL after the away game that claimed your entire Saturday? Sit tight and dig deep: you can look forward to the biggest, 3x3 inch magnet you'll ever love.

With apologies to care takers who deliver consistently on halftime orange slices, icing joints and muscles and screaming hysterically, when did being a #SoccerMom become a trait worth bragging about?

Athletically Astute

We aren't certain which explanation is more entertaining:
• That this driver put in the time to locate, purchase and install each letter for this deep thought without considering the potential for recourse;
• That he (yes he, thanks again DUDES) has comprehensively researched the topic at issue and arrived at the noted conclusion; or,
• That a #redneck can only keep obese ladies out of his vehicle by raising the suspension of said ride.

No matter the reason, we harbor grave concerns as to the desirability of the driver if, in fact, he regularly and unwittingly attracts such women.

Shout out to DP of PA. Thanks for the photo!