Melting Pot

To our brothers of Puerto Rican, Cuban, Mexican and Nigerian descent, we offer this warning: Poland is coming for you. Just remember that when you hang your flag (whether from the rear view mirror or your window) and cruise around with your seat back and your music jacked up. We don't have to tell you that the polka can get loud and annoying.

And to all those militantly Polish Americans: so you are proud of some nationality other than being a #redneck, corn-fed, gun-slinging, these-colors-don't-run* 'Merican. Great! Get a holiday or parade to prove it. You know: one where excessive drinking is expected and assaulting people may be calendared annually.

Otherwise, did you even consider selling that truck one day? Got a strong Polish market for used pick-ups?

* Ever wonder how the laundry pun became gritty and strong? We blame it on Canadians.