Rage Against the Man

One must imagine that this driver keeps the iconic "Born to be Wild" on a constant loop in this ride. We picture a room at this person's house dedicated completely to $50 electric guitars, a Hammond organ, Black Sabbath records and reams of tabs of obscure hits from the 70s and 80s. Though Rock-n-Roll vestiges from those days have generally passed on, they are all still legendary stories living in that dank, tricked-out room.

But the picture isn't complete until you see this mangy rebel reporting for work at the local #Starbucks on Monday morning, undoubtedly hungover and reeking of a vile mix of cheap booze, stale cigarettes, sweat and newly sown tears.

We put this rocker on notice: contrary to how it may feel, your late night gigs will succeed; do not give up the fight. For now, keep cutting your hair but don't throw out your #BonJovi hair extensions: there's no telling when such krimped locks will help you thrash your way to unmitigated stardom. 

Dog Supporter, Spouse Opponent

Remember the escapades of #BillClinton? We were awed that it wasn't really a question of if he would slide into infidelity but when and, somehow, the claims that our most public figure's behavior was no one's business but his. Common sense didn't seem so common.

We have had the distinct displeasure to become acquainted with a few people cut from this cloth. You know the type: they are militantly "progressive" on animal rights and similarly militant to their closest human companions.

However we must at least give this car owner credit for being open enough about their outlandish opinions. The ones you really need to worry about are the people who smack you across the face with deeply unhealthy psychoses with no warning.

Big Bird Wuz Here

We liken this display to the uneducated of yesteryear who signed their names by making their mark. Kind of like #BigBird left a steaming "present" in the back seat and, to allay any doubt, kicked the back of this ride a couple times.

Who can blame him? It isn't as if the Bird ever signed anything with its Tyrannosaurus Rex-like minuscule arms. Certainly his voice isn't intimidating enough to stick around and gloat like #B.A.Baracus. We really do pity the fool.

Think this commuter is the victim, what with all the vandalism? Think again: life has handed the Bird only impossibility. As the real victim, we believe he had little choice.

Shout out to TM of VA. Thanks for the pic!

Lullaby of Dreamland

We harbor grave reservations whether this driver breaks for anyone, like Dark Helmet in #Spaceballs. And here is why: while we won't stake what little reputation we have on it, we are convinced that we will "never ever (see) a unicorn..." In short, we place more credibility on lessons from #ShelSilverstein than this commuter's word.

We also question whether anyone "gots" enough music for this car owner's liking. After all, it isn't like you can prove it with the size of your milk mustache; and yours will not be larger than #WesWelker's stache.

Yet we deeply appreciate this driver's reference to one of our favorite #Seinfeld episodes. You know the one: Elaine takes Jerry's idea for renaming a classic book "War: what is it good for?" We feel the refrain works especially well for the usefulness of such bumper art: absolutely nothin'.

Senatorial Concerto

The events in #Boston of this past week have been widely reported as reflections of terrorist activities of 2001 in NYC, DC and Pennsylvania. Certainly our collective attention was captured in similar wonder from the time the suspects' photos were released to when Suspect number two was taken. Since we and every other employee working in a high rise building across our metropolitan center (not one of those mentioned above) were evacuated that clear Fall day and all flights were grounded in US air space, we humbly beg to differ on any further similarities.

While we considered questioning the validity of this statement's plea (might God choose not to bless 'Merica out of some justifiable reason?), we prefer instead to poke a little fun at a spirited, albeit feeble, attempt by a menagerie of US senators crooning out this ribbon's namesake.

Undoubtedly, what was concocted as a great idea just didn't keep the same gumption when the cameras zoomed in. Though certain among us can't ever get enough schmaltz, we beg that such a rendering never be repeated.