Their Lives are a Horror Flick

We are unable to feign even the slightest interest in Brad Pitt's zombie movie. For that matter, we have missed the entire zombie flavor of the month; well, perhaps ignored is more appropriate than missed. Of course, we likely aren't the target demographic either; intellectual, over 20 and educated.

Though we would never suggest it to groupies, we are convinced that the whole act is merely the product of American Boredom, similar in odor to the New (or Old, as the case may be) Kids on the Block. After all, when was the last time, in a moment of meaningful self-reflection, that you thought to yourself "I need more drama in my life"? Warning: if you answered "never," you just might not be an adolescent anymore.

Pedigree

Faithful readers of Tailgate Confessions will remember a previous post sporting this very same bumper bafoonery. Can... you... dig it?!! We always did love The Warriors.

When senior citizens aren't scoring the 4 PM early bird special at roadside diners and TGI Fridays or driving an intolerable 55 miles/hour on interstate highways, must they purchase disturbing expressions of intergenerational loneliness?

We are left with little option beyond putting anyone north of 65 years of age on notice: please save your money for the corner unit in Boca Raton or, if you are intent on setting fire to your pension, send it via cashiers check to us. Either way, stop blowing it on embarrassing bumper stickers.

Red with Black Dots

My, how vanity plates have become utterly pointless. Back in the 80s it seemed cheeky and even cool. But these days personalized plates have fallen into just another category of bumper shenanigans.

When you pay extra money for your license plate, why not have something more interesting like "GR8T" or "CHWBCA"? We don't mean to take this driver to the woodshed any more than another but the best you could come up with was an insect? As Gob Bluth would say, COME ON!

Who can forget the well-placed vanity plate "OUTATIME" in Back to the Future? There you have it: we're not opposed to all bumper decor, only thoughtless tailgate crap.

Grass Roots

One need not look deeply to find a vast array of conspiracies, from the utterly exhausting to deeply gripping. The Monsanto stories are so not sensational that we hesitate to call it a conspiracy. If we were totally cynical, we might even say that the theorists are more mainstream.

So mainstream, in fact, that we wonder why this driver was unable to locate tailgate graffiti to support the Cause. Then again, this custom job still gives off the vibe of being a "grass" roots effort (yup, that kind).

From the little we know, the Cause is anything but grass roots; though it does appear to be ineffective. Shouldn't successful business strategies be held accountable?

How So?

Isn't the love of things entertaining? Back in the 70s and 80s, the people who drove Bimmers were really the economically elite. Sort of like those extremely enormous cell phones that came with their own luggage cases. But, like cell phones, it seems like you can't go anywhere on either coast of the US without seeing any number of BMWs.

Apparently these drivers also are more inclined toward road rage than any other types of cars on the road, and not just in the US. Wouldn't they like to blame it on the car?

All that is to say, we emphatically disagree with this commuter who is, again, undoubtedly trying to rank in the 1 percent. Nobody is really that impressed.