Elderly Fam

Of course we're not passing judgment on such people that put embarrassing statements on their vehicle. Where would this blog be but for inflated egos and naked vanity? Some people just don't age as gracefully or maintain their appearance as well as their peers. For every Tom Selleck there is bound to be at least 15 Al Pacinos.

Don't think so? Simply reverse the genders then. How many Meg Ryans do you think there are for every Jane Seymour? And just remember: plastic surgeons aren't on trial here.

Perhaps these people are just more comfortable in their own skin. After all, eyeglasses chains, hair sticks in the bun and Charlie Brown's sweater with a bowtie are really pushing the 65 and "lovin' it" envelope.

Sunbleached

What happens to stickers that you slap on your ride after spending your hard-earned cash? Besides communicating some completely random aspect of who you are (or perhaps were), they simply bake in the penetrating sun. If you are apparently very fortunate, your stickers will one day be the same color as your ride.

Ruined? Worthless? Even if you could somehow pressure blast them off, you'd be crazy to. After all, eventually they will be retro and even look the part.

At that point, why not simply plaster the entire vehicle with fairly unrelated mementos of bygone days? The application does give it a certain something; what that is, we won't say.

Self-Disrespect

We really do try to stay away from passing judgement on people's self image. Most of the hooligans we deal with on this blog are relatively brazen with over-inflated egos to the point where they inflict some representation of themselves on utter strangers, much like the party fouls on social media.

Occasionally, as happens on those social media, you run across open self-loathing and simply cannot look away. Like the portrait buyer on Seinfeld who views Kramer's image, it disgusts us.

A point of clarification: this commuter doesn't purport complete worthlessness. No, instead they claim a value of one penny. As long as they stay in the US, they are worth something. However, if they travel to the UK or EU, it's a decidedly different story.

Scubadriver

Like all graffiti posted on the back of vehicles these days, we question whether this swimmer has really thought it through. So you might enjoy scuba, you might even be certified. So what? We might be a budding apiarist but does that mean we expect the world to care? Only if you buy our sweet, sweet honey.

Of course, you really should be ready for a seamless transition from driving on a road to scuba diving through your window if you're James Bond or Jason Borne. Then again, if you advertise such skill on the back of your ride, the observant villains will likely try to take you another way.

We can offer no decent reason for such a display, apart from open bumper braggery. And so to this commuter we simply say: pin a rose!

Cattle Car

Yes, we know just what you're thinking: if the handicapped can post snarky tailgate confessions, why can't the equestrian industry get in on that action? Oh sure, we are positive that crossed your mind.

We question whether such a bumper burn is necessary. After all, do you really want to get up too close to the back of a horse? At some point one must start to wonder whether being kicked is the preferable consequence for such closeness.

Then you hear stories like this one where a New Zealander suffered a broken leg after being kicked by a horse while he was mounted on another horse. Makes you rethink; a little horse manure never broke anyone's leg.