Outdoorsy

We have all crossed paths with those people who, though they reside exclusively in major metropolitan areas, endlessly strive to be at one with nature. Inevitably they drive all-terrain vehicles, which allow for higher emissions, and wax poetic about their most recent tree-hugging (or is it "tree-mugging"?) journey.

And so we put people like this commuter on notice: your carbon footprint (as calculated by Al Gore and his Al Jezeera compatriots) and granola eating skillz are no better than ours. If you want open trails for your bike, move to the interior of the country.

After all, the grass will always be greener. So put your cargo pants to proper use and fill your hydration pack: it's embarrassing when you use it at the metro gym.

Road Runner Grace

Ever wonder what the Road Runner and Jesus have in common? If it isn’t that obvious, you are in good company. Of course, the Looney Toons hero was innocent and always one step ahead of Wile E. Coyote (which, we suppose makes that antagonist character metaphorically the devil).

In related news, it appears that this truck has been subjected to numerous ludicrous accidents, no doubt with products sourced by ACME. Like Mr. Coyote though, this old-timer appears to take the direct hit and keep on running.

Regardless, this vehicle decor begs the question: how would Jesus drive? Certainly, if he chose to drive such a ride at all, you know that he wouldn't exceed the speed limit and would follow the traffic signs and signals. What would you do if Jesus passed you? It would undoutedly be done humbly, though definitively showing that you are driving too slow.

Yes Indeedy

A quick review of this bumper graffiti begs the immediate question: do the freaks really require such blessing? This commuter reveals their hand but we aren't as convinced. As with many American idioms, this expressions seems to be less a plea and more a statement.

And why not? Without freaks, the world would never have had the grunge movement or heavy metal music, the goth lifestyle, curious amounts and types of smoking in high school as well as all night raves. Then again, without techno freaks, Apple would cease to put out a new iPhone seven times a year.

Still we ask, does God in fact bless the freaks, either at all or in greater abundance than the evil non-freaks? It seems the freaks inevitably mellow into middle aged parents and professionals. In that case: God bless us, every one.

Welcome Aboard

What ever happened to the classic baby on board caution sign hanging in the rear window? This new-fangled version says the same thing but somehow seems strangely alien.

Perhaps it's Canadian? They do say wacky things up there, eh? Or could it be British? Leave it to the Brits to introduce massive confusion to our English language. They probably call this kind of decor "boot booty."

Either way, the image of the baby fills us with great American protectionism, kind of like the international symbol for choking. After all, if someone is gripping their neck, turning blue and gagging, there isn't anyone in the world who would think they are simply clearing their throat.

Those Guys

Yes, we all can recall the boys (with a "z") that never quite made it all the way through puberty and existed to play Dungeons & Dragons or trade comic books. Though they were super - of one kind or another - they could hardly be qualified as heroic. Usually they were super dirty and generally unpleasant.

As you might have guessed, even those boys grow up someday. Whether they drive enormous rides, to cart around there vast amount of stuff, or sport prolific knowledge of the absurdly useless, they nonetheless wear their capes with oozing pride.

And so we salute you, vagabonds of fantasy and denizens of earth. You are even getting a movie about which to build inane knowledge. Huzzah!