Aware Yet?

Human minds can hold only so much: some say we only use 10% of our brains. From personal experience, we're certain that less usage is inordinately possible.

We thought that tailgate magnets were cause-worthy. However, we're not convinced that any cause is well served by such unclear messaging. What, then, awareness are you spreading?

Must be a State of Mind

Imagine that there was something which you hearted so admired that you felt compelled to buy a sticker declaring the same in order to wear it around on your forehead. Would your sentiments be adequately captured using the ever descriptive phrase "really like," as in "I really like fluoride at the dentist " or "I really like Ballantine's Ale?" Remember, this is affixed to your head.

If you can't make it out, our pic brags "I really like NJ." Really? NY gets hearted and this is all you have? Perhaps that state's reputation fits, even for those who feel warm and fuzzy for it.

Coll It What It Is

Some joker once said that a photo is worth 1,000 words. Some bumper decor is worth a cool $2.95. Actually, it is probably worth around five cents; some schnooks people are just willing to spend 60 times more than it costs to make it, with tax.

Then you have the "special" cases who feel two absurd heart-warming stickers don't fully communicate their identity. What identity is that? Why, the identity of man's best friend of course!

T is for Turkey

Perhaps this T is for Texas or Tucson? It must be for Turks and Caicos or Taiwan, Tanzania, Thailand, Tajikistan or even Togo. No? Got lost in Tempe or Tulsa?

No indeed! This tag, which one must assume should mean something, may in fact stand for something but we don't care enough to Google it it must be pop top secret.

You might immediately guess Tatum O'Neal or her evil stepsister Channing Tatum. But we like to think that this turkey is a gamer.

Jackpot!

Somedays we'll not see car graffiti for hours and enjoy it, kind of like spending a day in Napa after growing up in Watts  the Bronx the cement jungle. Inevitably we pull up behind a car like this which, though in good shape, appears to be a junker -- hey y'all.

A shining testament to diarrhea of the mouth in sticker form, we wonder whether the martini glass might get the lights flashing send the wrong message to those heading to or from CHM (wherever that is).

We are also entertained by the gumption of including the yellow ribbon that signifies something (what we don't know, or care): it reminds us of the raging quakes of nonsense who spout off incessantly and then become deathly serious and philosophical when inebriated.

Elder Hipsters

Something makes us suspect that, when you need to buy a second piece of wasteful crap bumper decor in order to explain another one, reason has been completely abandoned.

Do our incredulities perceptions really change because we now realize that you are not the parent or an aunt/uncle?

Canine H8R?

The back if this boat car makes us genuinely question whether this driver has any remnant of a soul.

The only thing that isn't clear is why they are so anti-dog. We blame it on Lassie the parents (see comments).

Barely Discriminating Taste

Entering yet again into the shallow end of absurdity political theory, we just adore the depth of thought exhibited by this one. At least pretend that you are not ready to be committed socially aware enough to not vote blindly along party lines! Forget even any single politician, what has any political party ever done for you?

Cheer for Anything Else?

This guy has got to be one of those meatheads ex-jocks whose 24 hour news cycle is all ESPN. We hope your armchair is comfy, guy! Last time we checked, the money flows in one direction in professional sports these days and let's just say you are not on the receiving end...

Family Schism

Ever feel like you're just not a good parent connecting with your children? Some may say that it's inevitable, or perhaps just inevitable for lazy parents. Either way, expressing it on the back of your car can't help things. Keep it repressed behind closed doors in the family!

Thanks to SB of NJ for the pic!

No Spin Zone

As much as the political rants are among the most entertaining worst faux pas in social media, at least this driver is being honest here. We can also appreciate that, no matter which side of the political spectrum you shove down other people's throats fall into, this statement is well-said.

Thanks to DC of NJ for the pic!

"Excuse me. What now?"

We may be missing the boat here, but isn't the whole point of these tags to brag endlessly efficiently communicate where you've been? This tag clearly fails to accomplish that suggests that perhaps the answer is "not necessarily". If you guess it right in the comments, we'll update where this Euro tag is from and give you the credit: we don't even care enough to Google it.

Why Not Chernobyl -- During the Meltdown

We understand the constant need allure of boasting about traveling here, vacationing there. But this seems a little more than absurd.

We can only assume that IRQ signifies Iraq, unless there's some other wonderful hotbed of tourism place we just can't come up with. Guesses welcome in the comments!

Seeking Non-Feline Companionship

We guess we just don't care get out enough. In much the same way that people making shockingly #Awkward personal confessions on Facebook are sure to get unfriended, this is painfully grim. Lonely by yourself is one thing. Pulling everyone else into the poor decisions you've made is altogether another.

Bite This

Harkening back to the days where men were men and bumper stickers were snarky sentiments, we traveled to nowheresville to find this one. There's something pure and light about this sticker: it simply makes the statement and doesn't pretend to carry greater significance. Sure, it's in your face for those less inclined but still maintains simple entertainment value.

You're It

Falling into the "anywhere but here" category of human behavior, these tags used to mean something. Now, however you can get these stickers for just about anywhere (sorry, we couldn't find "Places Where Whitney Bought Blow").

We haven't seen tags for "CMPTN" or "FLSM" but we can hope.

Pride in its Laziest Form

How proud are you? Is a bumper sticker of your child's scholarly achievement really all you can muster? Really? If we are your kid, we would be embarrassed for you and for ourselves. Save the embarrassment and seriously motivate us with a PlayStation 3 for good marks.

Single and Loving It

This guy is a dude's dude. Why wait for a whole family before you invest in stick figures? This lonely confession work of art just screams playing the field and cracking wise. Ladies, he is definitely may be available!

Cat Lady

Not quite a super hero, at least not along the lines of Halle Berry or Michelle Pfeiffer, she obviously believes she is still pretty super. We don't remember single women who house multiple cats quite the same way. In fact, we love the action figure dedicated to such feats of old maid-ism.

I Say Iggle, You Say Eagle

We figured you were a fan from the trashy flag flying from the window of your ride. But your stick fam closes the deal: you are a true fan. So true, in fact, that your judgment has become impaired. As if giving most of your paycheck to attend games isn't misguided enough...

Dale Junior

Is it just that we don't frequent racetracks? Could it be, since our longest exposure to NASCAR was merely 2 hours of "Talladega Nights" (rather than 3.5 hours of watching cars drive in a circle on Sundays), that we just don't care?

It is a possibility. Then again, what chaps us most is that the owner has chosen to make his wagon a mobile gravestone to someone he has likely never met.

Startling Exposé

Even if it is true, why would you want anyone to know? And then it isn't just your friends who are freaked out aware: it's any random person who has driven behind you that gets the sneaking suspicion that you are some kind of lonely hermit who allows your dog to select your outfits.

The Leisurely Fam

Really? People are actually spending hard-earned cash on this? (Then again, this car probably belongs to that guy who hasn't worked a day in his life.)

What I enjoy the most is that the wife seems to be the only one working. "Hey, canine, a little help here? Beg for something maybe?"

Ghoulish Family

We were really feeling you, what with the "We ate your stick family" bit. Then again, doesn't that just give in to the weirdness of the sticker madness?

You had to go and paste on your own freakish family figures in there? Are you on the fence at all? Take a good look in the mirror: you're all in. 

Confessions of One Kind and Quite Another

Thought bumper stickers died decades ago? Think you blow money on random crap? Look no further for self-selecting demonstrations of American disposable income. Worse, this blog proudly follows the enduring truth that diarrhea-of-the-mouth from social media is alive and well in the physical world.

Orientation?

Social Media in the Physical World?

That's right: we'll look at all sorts of embarrassing, crazy, interesting and occasionally witty but always entertaining, "bumper art" that is foisted upon us (since our lives are not information-overloaded already).

As an added bonus, submit your pics to bumperdecor AT gmail DOT com and they may be posted.

Stay tuned as we get started. Comment early and often!

Cheers